


All the Candidate's Men (and Women)

by ariel2me



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-18
Updated: 2015-12-21
Packaged: 2018-01-25 14:13:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1651526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ariel2me/pseuds/ariel2me
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Candidate X for President – A political memoir by campaign staffers Asha Greyjoy and Justin Massey.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Basically the whole thing is Asha’s and Justin’s (not entirely successful) attempt at writing the book, and the back-and-forth between them takes place in an email chain.
> 
> It’s really my excuse for writing Asha and Justin bantering err I mean arguing ; ) The campaign and the candidate are present throughout, but more as a backdrop to give the story some semblance of a plot. If you’re looking for a serious “so-and-so running for President” fic, this isn’t it, fair warning from the start.

**Justin**

Politics is fun. No, really, it is. Trust me, I would know, having spent the last decade of my (still young) life in politics. A well-run presidential campaign is like a well-oiled machine, purring smoothly on a well-paved road at [insert speed limit] miles an hour. I love it!

What else do I love? The opportunity to co-author a campaign memoir with the illustrious Asha Greyjoy, Deputy Campaign Manager and my writing partner. True, we were not the first choice by the people at Knopf to write this book by any means – the candidate himself, and then the Campaign Manager, rejected the very generous book deal Knopf offered – but I applaud our editor for having the foresight to see the unique selling point presented by theGreyjoy-Massey team.

I like to think of us as the James Carville and Mary Matalin of our generation. Carville and Matalin might have worked for opposing candidates, as Asha and I did when she was running her father’s presidential campaign and I was working for Robert Baratheon, but in the end, even their (and our) greatest differences could not stop them (and us) coming together at last.

**Asha**

Unique selling point? Oh please! Shtick is more like it. Or that well-worn cliché about how opposites attract, or how there is supposedly a very thin line separating love and hate. Sorry, but there is actually a fence the size of that ice wall in Game of Thrones dividing love and hate.

By the way, my co-author forgot to mention the most important distinction between us (not that there is any  _us_ us in the sense of Justin and I being together, just to make that very, very clear) and the Carville-Matalin duo – unlike them, my co-author and I are  _not_  a couple, have never been a couple, and will never be a couple. So no, it is not like James Carville and Mary Matalin at all. (And perhaps our readers would appreciate a slightly more current reference than one from the 90's? How very retro of you, Justin.)

Look, here’s the stark truth that my co-author will not tell you - politics is brutal. It’s a 24/7, non-stop, vicious fight to the death, times 100 for a presidential campaign. And I love it. 

What I don’t love? That title, for one, chosen by my “illustrious” co-author. A more blatant rip-off of Woodward’s and Bernstein’s  _All the_ _President’s Men_  I can’t even conceive. And bonus points Justin for putting ( _and women_ ) in parentheses. I suppose you’d want that in smaller size font as well?

**Justin**

May I remind my actually truly illustrious (and wonderful - no, she really  _is_  wonderful, once you get to know her) co-author that I initially suggested  _All the Candidate’s Women_  as the title, and she rejected it on the basis that – “it sounds like we’re writing about the candidate’s many, many extramarital affairs” – which frankly, as concerns go, is a tad unreasonable, since we all know it is the candidate’s brother who is partial to having affairs, not the candidate himself. (Or do you know something that I don’t, Asha?)

 _All the Candidate’s People_  was rejected by our illustrious editor on the basis that - “it sounds like a manifesto for the Communist Party” (and we all know how toxic the c-word has always been in American politics).  _The Candidate_  was rejected on the grounds that it would invite unflattering comparison between our candidate and Robert Redford in the movie by the same name. (How can  _anyone_ , let alone our candidate, hope to compete with young Mr. Redford’s bracing good looks?)

The title is obviously our way of paying homage to  _All the_ _President’s Men_ , the same way Woodward and Bernstein were paying homage to Robert Penn Warren’s masterpiece  _All the King’s Men_. This is a long and illustrious tradition in book publishing, and I see no reason why we should not be following in the footsteps of the more illustrious authors who came before us.

**Asha**

Well, may I remind my co-author (who is now banned from using the word ‘ _illustrious_ ’ ever again, please note that, editor) that Woodward and Bernstein were writing about a law-breaking President who resigned from office to avoid impeachment, and Robert Penn Warren was writing about a corrupt southern governor who was assassinated. Talk about inviting unflattering comparison! Do we really want Richard ‘Tricky Dick’ Nixon and Willie Stark aka Huey Long to be the figures brought to mind when the American electorate think of our candidate? Our candidate has more than enough problems on his plate, running for the Democratic nomination against a popular Governor of a large state who has the full support and endorsement from a former President he once served as Chief of Staff.

And oh yeah, by the way, that former President? Just happens to be our candidate’s older brother. “ _Tell me, Senator, why should the American people support your candidacy when even your own brother would not?”_

**Justin**

Richard Nixon -

**Asha**

If you’re going to say that Richard Nixon was ‘ _misunderstood_ ’, I swear to god Justin -

**Justin**

I was going to say that Richard Nixon and our candidate share certain similarities in terms of how they are (were?) perceived by the public. High on the unlikeable, low on personal charm.

**Asha**

Really surprised to hear that coming from you.

**Justin**

???

**Asha**

There are two types of campaign staff – the pros who are here to do a job, and the true believers who think the sun sets and rises with the candidate. Always thought you’re one of the true believers, Justin.

**Justin**

Obviously when it comes to integrity and commitment to the American people, there is no comparison whatsoever between our candidate and the late President Nixon. And personally, I blame the public for their unwillingness to see beyond the surface of our candidate’s personality.

**Asha**

Yup, true believer.

**Justin**

Don’t tell me you weren’t a true believer when you were running your father’s very, very long-shot presidential campaign? No one thought Balon Greyjoy had any chance at all, but you went all out all the same. Was that just another day on the job for you?

**Asha**

True believers crash and burn and have nothing much to look forward to except bitterness and disillusionment. A job well done, on the other hand, is still a job well done at the end of the day. And that’s all I’m going to say on the subject.

Let’s start again from the beginning for the benefit of our readers:

This is a campaign memoir. You know what you’re getting in a campaign memoir. Complete candor and honesty? Look, who are we kidding? You’re not getting that. My co-author and I may need to work again with the people mentioned in this book at some point in the future, and I’m not about to commit professional suicide just for the sake of selling a few more copies of this book.

**Justin**

Maybe you’re being too honest with our readers right now? I mean, we  _do_  want to sell at least  _some_  copies of the book, and not turn off  _all_  our readers even before they get past Chapter 1.

**Asha**

Well, I’m not going to pretend that we’re going to tell them everything, because we both know that’s not going to happen. And if they don’t like it, they don’t have to read the book.

**Justin**

Wow, you remind me  _so much_  of our candidate right now …

**Asha**

???

**Justin**

I’m not saying that you’re wrong on the facts, but maybe there’s a slightly more diplomatic way to ease our readers into this? A less blunt and uncompromising way, perhaps?

**Asha**

_“A less blunt and uncompromising way.”_  Why, let’s see … I seem to remember saying that very same thing to our candidate after his feud with the Wall Street Journal editorial board over tax cut for the wealthy. (“ _Maybe calling their readers greedy fat-cats unwilling to pay their fair share is not very productive, Senator?”)_

Very nice, Justin. Am I supposed to say “ _ouch!_ ” or “ _touché”_  now?

Actually, fair enough, you have a point there. So what would you suggest instead?

**Justin**

Maybe start with a quote from a book?

_Autobiography sets out to recapture experience, but the business of writing it requires the author to abstract himself from the self that lived these experiences, and to construct a figure that can hardly fail to be, as it were, theatrical. To put it another way: the self you write is never quite the self that lived._

**Asha**

We’re writing a campaign memoir, Justin, not personal autobiography!! This is not  _The Life and Times of Justin Massey._

**Justin**

The part about the self you write not being the self who lived – that seems appropriate enough for our purpose, don’t you think?

**Asha**

You know what? I think our candidate would scoff at that as pretentious bullshit.

**Justin**

Really? You think so? Hmm, you’re probably right.

**Asha**

And let’s remember to properly introduce the candidate this time when we rewrite the chapter. We both know no one really cares about the candidate’s Deputy Campaign Manager or his Press Secretary.

**Justin**

Press Secretary  _and_  Director of Communications, if you please. I’m really hurt that you can’t seem to remember my full title.

**Asha**

I’m seriously, seriously going to need a macro for ‘ _rolling my eyes_ ’ and ‘ _get me out of here before I strangle someone_ ’ before this thing is over and done with.

**Justin**

Macro? What is this, the 90's? How very retro of you, Asha.

Emoticon is the way to go, obviously.

**Asha**

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Justin**

***************

**Partial transcript of former President Robert Baratheon appearance on This Week with George Stephanopoulos (ABC News)**

Robert Baratheon: Look, Governor Stark is my oldest and closest friend. He also served as my Chief of Staff during my second term in the White House. I am very, very proud to give him my support and endorsement.

George Stephanopoulos: And Senator Baratheon is … well, he’s your brother.

Robert Baratheon: (Laughs) Come on George! If I had endorsed my brother, you and the rest of the media would be screaming nepotism. (Pause) Let me reiterate - my endorsement of Governor Stark should not in any way be seen as a repudiation of my brother.

George Stephanopoulos: Then why not stay on the sideline, stay neutral? Mr President, you are not only endorsing Governor Stark, you are also out there actively campaigning for him, and against your brother. Which, fairly or unfairly, has given rise to the speculation that you may know something negative or disqualifying about Senator Baratheon’s ability to serve as President, something you have not shared with the American people.

Robert Baratheon: I am simply endorsing the man I believe will do the best job as our next President, who is also the Democrat with the best chance of taking back the White House from the Republicans.

George Stephanopoulos: And that man is Governor Stark?

Robert Baratheon: Absolutely. 

George Stephanopoulos: Not your brother?

Robert Baratheon: I believe I have answered your question, George.

***************

“Oh just say it,” the candidate muttered under his breath. “’ _I believe my brother would make a terrible President_ ,’ that’s what he really wants to say.”

“He did say the line about his endorsement of Governor Stark not being a repudiation of you, Senator,” said the Deputy Campaign Manager.

The candidate scoffed. “Said it? He recited the line like a hostage reading his captor’s demand.”

“It  _was_  a good point he made about nepotism. If your brother had endorsed you, Senator –“

The candidate gave his Press Secretary a withering glance. “I never expected or wanted my brother’s endorsement at all. That’s not the issue here.”

The issue is Robert Baratheon endorsing someone else.

The issue is Robert Baratheon endorsing not just anyone else, but Eddard ‘Ned’ Stark.

Stannis Baratheon had long ceased to mind how little regard his older brother seemed to have for him. (At least, that’s what he’s been telling himself these many years). His brother’s excessive regard for Ned Stark, on the other hand, still stuck in his craw.

Picture the scene, if you will. The four of us crammed inside the Campaign Manager’s office that Sunday morning, watching George Stephanopoulos grilling former President Robert Baratheon. Stephanopoulos, if you remember, used to be President Clinton’s Press Secretary and Director of Communications. I mention that only in passing because […]

  **Asha**                                                                                                      

STOP! Two points:

1)    What happened to “let’s start by introducing our candidate properly” we agreed to last time?

2)    Are you under the misguided impression that you’re writing a novel? You can’t possibly have any idea what is going on inside our candidate’s head, or inside anyone else’s head for that matter, except your own.

  **Justin**

1)    I  _was_  introducing our candidate, albeit in a more creative manner than the usual dry recital of biographical facts. If people want to know when or where Stannis Baratheon was born, they can Google him. We need to be able to give our readers some added value they can’t find anywhere else. (Let’s compromise – biographical facts and figures in the Appendix)

2)    Bob Woodward does this all the time when he’s writing his (non-fiction!) books about various White House administrations. He wrote about what people were thinking and feeling, not just what they said and did.

  **Asha**

1)    We need to check with the editor about this.

2)    Bob Woodward wrote about the things people  _told_  him they were thinking and feeling, the thoughts and feelings they confided to him. (Or at least that’s his claim.) I very much doubt Senator Baratheon ever confided to you his deepest thoughts and feelings about his brother, or about anything else in his personal life. You were obviously speculating. If you  _have_  to speculate, then write it down as your own speculation, your own thoughts. Don’t dress it up as Senator Baratheon’s thoughts. That’s just blatantly dishonest.

(I have serious reservations about how truly “non-fiction” Woodward’s books actually are, to be honest, but that’s a different story.)

**Justin**

Oh come on, it’s called artistic license.

**Asha**

It’s called A LIE. And you know how our candidate feels about that. How do you think he’s going to react when he reads the book?  

**Justin**

Good point.

Well, show me how to do it, then. You were in Davos’ office too that morning, how would you write the scene?

  **Asha**

The scene? You’re still talking like it’s fiction. This was something that actually happened.

**Justin**

The incident, then.

**Asha**

We knew the Stephanopoulos interview was coming, and we knew that it was going to be bad. What we didn’t know was just how bad it was going to be for our campaign. It wasn’t just the Ned Stark endorsement or “ _the best man for the job_ ” sound bite, it was the way Robert Baratheon looked whenever his brother was mentioned. He looked shifty, his eyes darting all over the place. He looked as if he was hiding something.

Of course, the first thing the media latches on to is that Robert Baratheon is hiding some deep, dark secret about his brother, a secret that if revealed could scuttle any chance Senator Baratheon has for winning the nomination.The same secret causing the former President to turn his back on his own brother to endorse another candidate.

Personally, I thought that shifty look on Robert Baratheon’s face was a sign of his guilty conscience. He was shafting his own brother, and he knew it.

“The reporters are not letting up. What should I tell them?” Justin Massey asked, after being grilled non-stop by members of the media for most of the day.

“Tell them that if my brother knew any deep, dark secret about me, he wouldn’t bother hiding anything from anyone. He would gladly rent a billboard on Times Square announcing it,” Senator Baratheon replied, looking disgusted. “How many days will be wasted talking about this nonsense? What about our education reform plan?”

“Well, we can’t release that now,” I told the candidate the obvious. “It will be lost in the news cycle. No one is going to be talking about it. It’s going to be Baratheon versus Baratheon for the next … I don’t know, few days at least.”

“Few days? That’s too optimistic,” our Campaign Manager chimed in for the first time. My boss. Justin’s boss as well. Well, I suppose Senator Baratheon is our top boss, but in the day-to-day handling of the campaign, DavosSeaworth is our boss. “Senator, we have to respond in some way,” he told the candidate.

They were old friends from their days in the Army, the candidate and his Campaign Manager. A commissioned officer and a non-commissioned officer, maybe it was a stranger and more unexpected basis for lifelong friendship than attending prep school and college together, as was the case for Robert Baratheon and Ned Stark. Or maybe not.

Senator Baratheon looked ready to explode. “Leave us,” he dismissed Justin and me from the room.

The door closed behind us. There was no shouting, nothing to overhear. The Senator came out fifteen minutes later, looking calm and composed. “Let’s draft a press statement,” he announced.

**Justin**

You know the disadvantage of this, right? Our readers will never know what happened behind that closed door.

  **Asha**

Well, they won’t know because  _we_  don’t know. And we’re the ones writing this book.

**Justin**

Maybe our readers would have been better off if Senator Baratheon and Davos are the ones writing this book. They  _were_  the publisher’s first choice.

**Asha**

There’s no guarantee that they would have written about what really happened behind closed doors even if they’re the ones writing this. There’s no guarantee that we would either.

**Justin**

Wait, why wouldn’t we?

**Asha**

It’s just a hypothetical, Justin. Besides, there’s nothing closed door about us, metaphorically or literally.

**Justin**

Not yet. 

**Asha**

What?!

**Justin**

Nothing at all. Forget I said anything.

Actually, this could be a good thing for our book. Sometimes the most interesting things are the ones not actually seen, but only implied.

**Asha**

But … we’re not implying anything.

**Justin**

We’re not?

**Asha**

Well, I’m not. Are you?

**Justin**

Nope.


End file.
